Vulnerability

vul-ner-a-ble
adjective
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.
3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend: a vulnerable bridge. 

Warning: Proceed with caution. This is loaded and long and now may be very truncated as it was too much of all of that...

Over time I've become more vulnerable and open with people, this blog being one example of that though the fact that I've told 5ish people about it (that was a burst of vulnerability right there), remain anonymous and have no link online connecting me to it anywhere else on the internet does not bespeak of great vulnerability. I'm okay with strangers whom I will never meet reading, but the thought of opening this up to my social sphere is definitely too personal. I want to maintain my freedom to let this blog be what it has become- a conglomeration of musings and a supplemental, less personal and detailed addition to my real pen and ink journal.

As a sub point, I was recently thinking about how truly heartbreaking circumstances and struggles help unearth the beautiful transformation that trials bring about. They birth depth that was often there all along in people, or recently grown, but now presses at the seams of a person, begging to come forth. I think this largely happens, because the one who has struggled knows that sharing with others not only helps to heal themselves, but gives a gift to those who hear. On the topic of pain, here is one of the most beautiful thing I have read lately: Letter to the Wounded #2 by Ann Voskamp 

[...]


All this takes vulnerability- stepping out and taking chances in spite of what the result will be, all the while knowing that often you won't experience what you wish for. It's learning how to balance intentionality and letting the flow of life, God's beautiful story, sweep you away. It's opening yourself up to being misunderstood, judged and betrayed, to loss and disappointment. On the flip side, it's dipping deep into the wells of grace, of truth and beauty. It's living community and doing life together. It's opening yourself up to personal growth and transformation. It's seeking after best instead of good or present comfort.  

And because I know just how vital vulnerability is to my life and the life of others around me, I have grown in this area, but I dance with it. Sometimes I take one step forward and two steps back. Finding better ways to assess when and to what extent to engage in this, and learning how to let go of the past instead of dancing backwards when I regret it, has been a journey that I've been on for years. Because being vulnerable is not always wise or good, or as put recently by a wise friend, "Just because something is genuine, doesn't mean it's right and it doesn't mean it's good". As humans we are attracted to the real or genuine. In that same vein, just because something is nice, doesn't mean it's good. But true relationship can't grow without it and so it must have a place somewhere in our lives.



There are some Tedx talks by Brene Brown circulating on the internet about vulnerability.
I love so much of what she has to say. Here are a few things that popped out to me, with a few personal comments in parentheses.

• Brene's definition of courage: "To tell the story of who you are with your whole heart- the courage to be imperfect."  
• What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful. 
• The core of vulnerability is shame, fear and a search for worthiness AND the birthplace of love, joy and creativity. 
• Society numbs vulnerability more than ever through debt, obesity, distraction, addiction and medication, but you can't selectively numb emotions. If you don't embrace the bad- feel the pain, you cannot embrace the good. 
• Culture tells us that we are not good enough, certain enough, don't have enough (thank goodness for Jesus, my all and all)
• Still not convinced that you should be vulnerable? The cost of invulnerability is: Extremism, perfectionism, low grade disconnection from all that happens around you and living in dissappointment
• We try to make everything uncertain certain - stop trying.
• Somehow an ordinary life has become synonymous with a meaningless life. (Sometimes the simple life looks so appealing... Rich and healthy in ever respect.)
• Ordinary moments are often where we find the most joy, we miss the ordinary in our quest for the extraordinary. 

                                             The Power of Vulnerability: Brene Brown

The Price of Invulnerability: Brene Brown

So my advice, do dip deep in the well. Be honest with yourself and others. With discretion, share yourself and cherish what is shared with you. Don't be that person that doesn't listen when someone entrusts a piece of their heart to you. Don't be that person that never shares (this is actually a trait of an unsafe person, believe it or not). Don't be that person who says that you care- that you want to invest in relationship and then make no effort to follow up on your words and walk away when approached. Do press on.