Contentment & Turkeys

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:10-12
 
Within about three days of ending a trimester or semester I usually get sick. This time I've been battling it for almost a week. It's strange- like my body knows that it doesn't have to hold it together any longer. And so it's time for blogging!

This Thanksgiving I found myself thinking about the relationship between contentment and thankfulness. I think it's impossible to be content without being thankful. Being thankful isn't something we should practice to produce warm, fuzzy feelings or satisfy expectations. In essence it's not something we should do for ourselves or others- we should just live it, because every single person has numerous reasons to be thankful. I have this circular piece of plastic that I picked up at one of those artsy independent coffee shops. It says: " I walk in a constant state of gratitude."  That's the goal... Living every second in gratitude for who God is and what he has done-being content and thankful for the good and the bad. Focusing on what there is to be thankful for. Side note: I'm not advocating apathy here.

So this Thanksgiving I was thinking how ironic it is that on Thanksgiving Day, the one day of the year dedicated to being thankful, many people spend their time scouring the newspaper ads- planning their shopping route for the next day- or even that night. Apparently this year some sales started 10 PM on T Day. It's ironic that Black Friday is the next day and that so many people allow it to become the focus or at least a significant portion of their T Day instead of spending meaningful time with their family and friends. They think about what they don't have rather than what they do.

I'm sitting in my room on a Saturday night working on a mound of incomplete applications, blowing my nose and trying to drinking a small lake to get rid of my headache. Hello contentment. 

I'm going to skip the long "I'm thankful for ____" list that typically includes things like family, friends, shelter, food, air, snowflakes that melt on my nose and eyelashes, silver white winters that melt into springs, sleigh bells, schnitzel with noodles, and Christ's sacrifice. I'll just leave it at I am so very thankful that I get to go home for Christmas and that God is omnipotent, omniscient, merciful, personal and loving.

Monumental Day

About five years after I started taking college classes (starting in high school) I have finished my first degree. Three schools and three states later I am done with enough credits for at least two degrees and a minor. I should be out celebrating this evening, but am so exhausted and have a recording session tomorrow.Whoever approved weekend finals has never had to do them. I started #1 at 8 AM Saturday morning and finished #4.5 today at 4:30 PM. What's next? One week spent in practice rooms and coffee shops. I'll be preparing pre-screenings and completing applications for five schools this week. January 3rd I start another program here. Yes, I have contemplated the idea of taking a break from school. It's time to start kicking the coffee addiction. It's Turkey week. More thoughts to come. For now ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Be Still My Soul

It always comes back to trust. In God I hope and find my strength. This is true, but these things are not yet a  part of every fiber of my being. When my world crumbles I am often not completely at peace. Each time I experience stress or trials I lapse into periods of doubt, fear and worry. Yes, much of the time I am at peace, secure in the hands of my ever- present, loving and all powerful father, but I don't wholly trust at all times and this is a problem. I am in awe when I look at how God has provided for my every need and how he has worked in my life in the past. Reminding myself of how He has proved faithful in my life and meditating on God's promises helps, but unfortunately combating these periods of unrest is still a part of my life. Maybe I have to keep struggling through scary trust building situations, because I just don't learn. How many of these do I have to work through before my reactions are consistently those of a person who truly believes that God is utterly in control and will work all things according to His good, glorious plan? A few weeks ago God gave me another opportunity. I prayed and struggled daily for about 2 1/2 weeks. Then in the eleventh hour I saw God act in ways I couldn't have imagined. One week later I find myself pessimistically curled up in the corner of a practice room immobilized by worry and doubt. How quickly I forget and how easily I despair. Reminding myself that this is all a process and I'm on the path.


I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to the Lord are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. Psalm 34: 4-5

I've always loved Finlandia and the hymn, Be Still My Soul. The music itself is beautifully haunting and heroic.

Be Still My Soul   

Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.