Finding Faith in the Faithful One

Journal Entry
10/31/12

"[ ...] Held in the arms of love... This was the image and words that God gave me as assurance that he had and would continue to sustain me while I was praying and listening to Great Is Thy Faithfulness on the eve of Friday. He did - sustain me. And now as I sit in shock with a heavy heart, the words "strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow" seem even more applicable. I just learned that Greg is about to enter hospice care and has been told he has weeks to live. Somehow I naively thought, or rather hoped, that this 5th battle would be no different than the others, that he would emerge alive, a stronger, more faith filled man of God, overflowing with zest for life. I want to have faith that moves mountains like the woman who touched Jesus's garment and was healed through her faith in God's love and inconceivable power. Instead, I find myself pondering questions and crying out for God's mercy all the while believing that science and human logic will prevail. Is praying "thy will be done" a halfhearted faithless act? Is it resigning myself to sit and watch rather than railing at the gates of heaven for change? Where is my faith? Oh God, that you would grant me a mustard seed."

 I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to here' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. -  Matthew 17:20 

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

The Priceless Mark

I recently found myself spending a large amount of time over the course of a few days with a few individuals, which left me emotionally depleted. It wasn't so much that I'm an introvert and was unable to have my alone time to re-charge, but rather the content of that time. Don't get me wrong, I like these people and could easily list off their positive characteristics, but the effect of our time together warrants reflection. The conversation that occurred with these said people did two things. It caused exhaustion due to it's superficial and circular nature and caused me to start feeling like I was somehow very, very different than the bulk of my peers and thus somewhat isolated. I was reminded of what is "normal" for people my age, American society as a whole and realized how unaccustomed to it I have become through the distance that has grown as I've buried myself in my school work, keeping up with  my boyfriend, friends and the day to day necessities of life. What I was immersed in over the course of those days was nothing new, but it struck me in a  fresh way. My distance from it all had caused the polarity to become more vibrant and visible.

Then, what inevitably seems to happen to many people happened to me. There was a sense of weariness and a bit of questioning about the path I am on and just how straight and narrow the path must be. It wasn't as if the wider path with lollipops and cotton candy was more attractive compared to the path with fresh lilacs and crisp, clean air. It was the quiet rumblings of questions as they called forth thoughts about intentionality and just how important it was to not waver to the left or right for even a minute. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to not just live your life and aimlessly wander off the path.

What followed next was the realization that I am very glad I am an abberant person. As I listened and reflected, I realized just how lonely and empty these people were-how they were grasping, searching for the intangible through the tangible and how time after time they failed, left with scars. And then sympathy seeped in. How do you entreat someone to join you on  the hard, but beautiful path when you know their eyes have been blinded, their minds confused and you will only be rebuffed?

Fast forward a few hours and I am sitting in church listening to a sermon in which my pastor makes a very applicable point. Rev. 13 contains the famous passage about the number 666 or mark of the beast, but what follows immediately in Revelation 14 is information about the juxtaposing mark - the mark of God on his people. We were challenged to live as one marked by God on our hand and forehead- by our deeds and thoughts. The path before me is good and I praise God that I am marked with the priceless mark for eternity.

Then I looked, and behold, on Mount Zion stood the Lamb, and with him 144,000 who had his name and his Father's name written on their foreheads. And I heard a voice from heaven like the roar of many waters and like the sound of loud thunder. The voice I heard was like the sound of harpists playing on their harps, and they were singing a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and before the elders. No one could learn that song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth. It is these who have not defiled themselves with women, for they are virgins. It is these who follow the Lamb wherever he goes. These have been redeemed from mankind as firstfruits for God and the Lamb, and in their mouth no lie was found, for they are blameless.
(Revelation 14:1-5 ESV)

Because the Beatles are fantastic...

Eleanor Rigby is about as serious and direct as the Beatles get with their work. You can hear the hopelessness and questioning, yet there are no answers given. The song ends abruptly with no no conclusion.

                                       All the lonely people... Where do they all come from?

Stating the Obvious

Stating the obvious never makes sense to me, unless of course it is what you need to do for clarification or legal documentation purposes. It seems so devoid of thought- of the intellectual ability that God gave us when he created our minds. So often conversation with others seems to revolve around what is immediately observable and well, obvious without need for verbal comment. Perhaps it's a manifestation of great amounts of sensing being used. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but personally, I eventually find the lack of something more to be boring and limiting. Why stop at step one when there is so much more?

In my room, which was formerly a theological library and is now a fine art and personal affects storage site, there is a stack of journals from various family members. In these journals, daily happenings are described in the most straightforward, concise way possible. Content includes who came to visit and when, what the weather was like, what birds were sighted that day, who had their birthday, etc. The authors were not elderly when writing, I assure you.

When conversation stalls and people don't know what to talk about it, why not take a leap sometime and instead of talking about the weather, the decor or what you are going to do that week it might be time to take a leap into the unknown and go deeper, to ask what their opinion is on a current happening, why they like something, how something has changed them, what advice they could give on a certain topic etc.  Or maybe just silence could happen? A time for silence, when all fruitful and aimless chatter ceases...

" Silence does not mean dumbness, as speech does not mean chatter. Dumbness does not create solitude and chatter does not create fellowship."  - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Grace

Dear Heart, Soul and Brain,

It is time to remember that God's grace is for the annoying, downright hurtful and inhumane. God's grace covers all. For some reason it is easier for me to extend and remember God's grace in the really difficult situations, to forgive the big things and remember that Christ died on the cross for the murderer and the thief. Yet it's the seemingly smaller things that make it harder for me to recognize  my need to forgive and respond in love, to remember that Christ died for that uncalled for comment, passive aggressive behavior or disrespectful action. I am to be ever transformed by the renewing of my mind and heart through Christ Jesus in me. So this means that right now that I will forgive bossiness, passive aggressiveness, assumptive words and actions and those who act with less than genuine motive. I will not respond in kind. I will forgive and pray for them, remembering all that Christ forgave me. I will lay these things before the cross where Christ's blood covers all - yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

• ...bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

 Colossians 3:13 

Out of the Comfort Zone

Journal Entry 10/4/12

"Today while waiting for the bus I watched a homeless man dig through the trash looking for food. He was pretty unsuccessful in this endeavor and approached me, asking for fare money. I offered him half a bag of almonds I had in my purse, which he took and immediately started devouring, but I could have done so much more. I could have looked him in the eye, started a conversation and treated him like a respectable human being. I could have asked if I could pray for him or offered to buy him lunch. Why was I so uncomfortable? Really it boils down to fear- fear of not knowing what to say, fear of my physical safety being endangered and fear of awkwardness. But why should I be afraid? I have God to trust for all guidance, leading and protection. Awkwardness, that silly English word and concept that doesn't exist in so many languages or cultures... Help me to do better next time Father."

From Whence You Came

My teacher strongly believes in the importance of understanding your heritage. He points to the walls of his studio that are covered with myriads of signed photos displaying the legends of the violin and classical music world for the past two centuries and impresses upon his students the importance of grasping who these people were, what made them great and why we need to pass on their legacies. So much so, that he recently gave me a book about his teacher with an inscription which read: "May this book help you trace from whence you came. You are now a direct descendant of my musical father, Mr. Gingold." Understanding history in all areas of life is a treasure that is often neglected. It is important to know the past, because it is one of two major facets that shape the present and the future. It gives rise to vision, foresight and understanding the present moment. It is useful as long as information is used and not merely recounted.

I spent Memorial Day weekend with my aunt and grandparents in a tiny town that is rich with generations of family history. I learned much over this weekend while listening to stories and observing familial dynamics. One small piece of trivia I learned is that my great great grandfather was a U.S. Senator.

I was also reminded that I have always been a very determined person that sees roadblocks merely as obstacles and takes on the big, difficult things.

Why does any of this matter? I understood myself better as a result of those three days and have a clearer picture of who I am, who I want to become and how to get there. I understand why it has been harder for me to connect with some members of my family than others and was able to rejoice in a beautiful example of marriage built on Christ and love chosen for 60 years. My grandma has dementia and needs constant care, which my 89 year old grandpa gives selflessly and with great sensitivity. One day, a visitor remarked, “she is blessed to have you" to which my normally composed grandpa replied with a hint of surprise and tearyness, " I've been blessed to have her all these years."

To jump in another, yet correlated direction....

I think this same concept applies to the realm of spiritual things. What spiritual influences (principles, ideas, people, etc.)  have shaped us? What is our spiritual heritage from our ancestors in the church? What is our spiritual inheritance?  (That one is more clear cut and readily available in scripture.) As we move forward in our lives, what kind of spiritual legacy do we want to leave and how will we carry it out?

The Light Has Come

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

Blogging is the last thing I should be doing right now. With so much to do, I've been pulling 10-14 hour work days these past few weeks, but tonight is an evening of catching up on life essentials and, as I realized late this afternoon, it is Good Friday. That is how out of touch I have been with the outside world. I didn't realize this is Easter weekend until today when I saw a pamphlet for an Easter service and found a chocolate rabbit in my mail box.

Tonight I am reflecting on what Christ has done for us- all of us. I am rejoicing that he has taken our sin and shame and has given us bright hope for today and tomorrow. The past few days have been a bit somber for me. I learned yesterday that an old friend of mine unexpectedly lost her brother on Wednesday. He was a junior at Taylor University, where I spent the first two years of my undergrad. His sister, Molly, is a wonderful woman and my heart goes out to her and all those who knew her brother Josh. This is especially difficult for this university community as it is so small and comes on the heels of another tragic loss. In the spring of 2006, four students and one staff member were killed in a car accident. For months the identity of two students was mistaken and many had to relive the horror of finding out that their loved one was actually dead. The death of Christ that we celebrate this weekend gives us comfort, strength, joy and new life. For Josh Larkin, his time on earth has come to an end, but his life in heaven is just beginning. Christ, the light of the  world has brought eternal life within our grasp. Christ is the light at the end of the tunnel and in the midst of it. Praise God!


Star Tribune: http://www.startribune.com/local/west/146419175.html


Lyrics to The Light Will Come by Phil Wickham


To the one with the wounded heart
The years fighting have left you scarred
Wait the light will come
To the one with the distant eyes
All this crying has left you dry
Wait the light will come
Wait the light will come
Lift your eyes
The sun has overcome the night
Come alive
As we shine in loves true light


Here is laughter beyond the tears
Here is courage to face your fears
Look the light has come
So rise you daughters and stand you sons
Claim the victory that Jesus won
Look the Light has come
Look the Light has come

Art: Good, Better, Best?

One beautiful aspect of art is that it is ambiguous. It can be interpreted in many ways and awaken diverse reactions. It isn't black and white, but rather every shade in the color spectrum in an unfathomable number of combinations. Yet we often attach labels that judge quality, inferring that there is some set standard or way of evaluating and sorting art into a hierarchical list.

What makes art good or bad? Is it how well it is technically executed according to the standards of the particular location and time it exists in? Is it how deeply it resonates with the soul of the audience? Is it how  complex it is? Does value depend on how much discernible, logical structure exists? Or is it simply how beautiful it is? ( Subjective anyone?) Is it good to the degree that it accurately depicts something? Does the level of its value lie in the extent of originality displayed or rather timeless reflection on the past?

I came across the quote below that artfully sweeps away many questions for the Christian and provides great clarity on this topic. It is so simplistically obvious, yet artfully worded and truth- filled.  It carries with  it a reminder: The good and best art is not necessarily what society may laud as the best.

"What is the best of all possible things? That which is infinite, always present and undecaying.  That which is both many and one. That which is pure, ultimate and humble. That which is spirit and yet personal. That which is just and yet merciful. Yahweh, God. Father, Son and Holy Ghost. What is the best of all possible Art? That which reveals, captures, and communicates as many facets of that Being as is possible in a finite frame."  


Extracted from Notes from the Tilt-A-Whirl by N.D. Wilson 

A Time for Everything Under the Sun

What gain has the worker from his toil? I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.
I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him.
- Ecclesiastes 3:9-14 


This week is spring break, an earned hiatus from my frenzied schedule and an opportunity to gear up for the final two months of the academic year. I went into it with a very long agenda, which included relaxation. One of the things I looked forward to was sitting down to quiet my heart and mind enough for some drawn out times of reflection and deep thinking. This is something that I enjoy, though life makes it difficult to engage in as frequently as I would like. As this week began, I found myself subconsciously avoiding thinking about the very things I had been eagerly anticipating pondering. I realized that I was overwhelmed by all the expectations various individuals, including myself, have for me. Expectations for quality of work, getting things done, making decisions, etc. I was putting intense pressure on myself to figure everything out and I didn't know how. Then I noticed the absurdity in this. It's not my job to figure anything out. God calls me to ask for his guidance, trust, wait, listen and then obediently act according to his leading. As for the expectations of others, if I am walking in obedience, their reaction does not matter. What peace and freedom there is in taking the focus off yourself and shifting it to Christ, who knows all, is all, does all and loves all.


"...also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man."

We are to live every moment to the fullest, learning and growing from everything- merriment and toil alike. This is God's gift to me, to you.

I've realized I am not fully soaking up the richness of every season, every situation I am placed in. When my time is filled with hard work I long for relaxation and when I relax, I think about what I should be doing, hampering my ability to fully enjoy the blessings and lessons God has for then. I have become much more content with living in Pittsburgh and the rest of my life right now, but on a smaller scale there is certainly room for growth.

A Vision for Pittsburgh

The idea of moving to and living in Pittsburgh has never been a source of great joy for me. All the places I have lived have possessed a special draw- breathtaking mountains, vibrant culture, travel opportunities, a plethora of incredible music all around etc. In spite of the fact that my handy visitors map makes many lovely claims, I have remained unimpressed and skeptical. Here are a few of the things that Pittsburgh reportedly has to offer:

Pittsburgh is listed in New York magazine's 2007 Winter Travel Guide as a top pick for culture junkies, along with such cities as London and Vienna. (As a former resident of Vienna, I have to say there is simply no comparison.)

Pittsburgh is ranked ...

• among the top 10 romantic spots across the country by MSN.com
• the #1 most livable city in America by Places Rated Almanac
• among the top 10 of the World's Cleanest Cities by Forbes Magazine 
• 9th among the top 10 most literate cities in the United States.

It has been a struggle being here and I am finally starting to settle in. For one thing I have stopped toying with the idea of leaving prematurely and have finally accepted that this is where God has placed me right now. This is a time for me to find what God has for me to soak up here and now. I have also been placed here to minster to and engage with the people of  Pittsburgh. I am done fighting and am finally starting to accept this 2 year lesson on another angle of contentment. I am praying that God would give me eyes to see what he has for me. Below is my vision for Pittsburgh and a one I found on a church website.


My Vision For Pittsburgh


I want to see passion ignited, cold hearts awakened, and love restored for Jesus in the church body and population as a whole. I want to see the transformative power of lives surrendered to and used by Jesus sweep across this city. It is my prayer that historical roots would serve to anchor the church, rather than encumber a vibrant faith-filled, victorious existence. I want to see sound doctrine and truth preached from the pulpits and tongues of brothers and sisters to one another. I want to see crime and unkindness mitigated. I want to see dirt and potholes swept away. I want to see joy and hope on the faces of the poor and homeless. I want to see multitudes of talented university students passionately using their gifts for Christ's glory to minister and bring change. I want to see the large arts community of Pittsburgh transformed from a focus on entertainment and self gain into a vehicle through which God's truth and love is proclaimed.

A Vision For Pittsburgh - by Grace and Peace Church (Pittsburgh, PA)


Pittsburgh is a city at the crossroads. The smoggy steel city that once stood at the source of the Ohio River is a thing of the past. Today Pittsburgh is a vibrant technology-driven city, which other industrial cities are now looking to as an example of civic recovery.
While Pittsburgh has many of the amenities of a larger city, the warm and informal atmosphere found in its local neighborhoods means that Pittsburgh feels much more inviting than many other cities. Lawrenceville and Bloomfield are two such neighborhoods. On a summer night you'll find countless people walking around after dinner at a local restaurant or sitting on their front porch, chatting with each other, sometimes for hours.


Over the last several years Lawrenceville and Bloomfield have experienced dramatic changes. Where fifteen years ago Lawrenceville was known for drugs and prostitution, today

it is a rapidly changing neighborhood which the Washington Post recently dubbed the Brooklyn of the Steel City. It has a vibrant arts scene and a large base of locally owned shops. The redevelopment of its commercial district and the establishment of a new children's hospital have begun to reshape the neighborhood. Similarly, Bloomfield has also redeveloped around a revitalized commercial district and West Penn Hospital, a major regional health provider.Though both neighborhoods are very diverse, each neighborhood could be seen as mainly comprised of working-class residents, with many people working for one of the two major hospitals. About half of the people have completed high school, a little over a quarter have a Bachelors degree, and around one in nine have a Graduate degree. Over 17,000 people live in the 2.5 sq. miles that make up Lawrenceville and Bloomfield.
While this area is densely populated and there is major redevelopment occurring, the spiritual vitality of the area is less evident. There are very few churches present in the community. Even most of the mainline protestant and Catholic churches are absent from Lawrenceville and Bloomfield, or are in the process of consolidating.


The residents of these neighborhoods need a local church that is willing to patiently walk with them as they examine Christ's claims. They need a church that understands that most people have not grown up with a Christian understanding of life. They need a church where they can continually celebrate his grace as they seek to follow him in every part of their lives.

There Is No Lion in the Street and You Are Lazy

 The sluggard says, "There is a lion outside! I shall be slain in the streets!"

Proverbs 22:13

Essentially the verse is calling out the one who makes excuses for laziness and the avoidance of doing what is right or difficult in a timely fashion. The said sluggard has made up a terrifying and dangerous situation that gives excuse for his lack action. Am I calling myself a sluggard? Yes, at times I definitely fall into this trap, but there is much more than mere laziness involved here. When I become overwhelmed I sometimes procrastinate and do everything else in order to avoid what looks like a looming and impossible task. This is a form of making excuses and not trusting in God's promise to see me through what he has laid out for me to do. This can take many forms. One small example that was brought to my attention recently is practicing. The truth that follows is so obvious, but hit me in a new way. I was having a conversation with two friends and one said, "it is obedient to practice- to refine, use and keep up the skills and gifts God has granted you". So often we forget that the daily grind of life is a form of obedience and thus worship. Going to the gym, eating healthily and sleeping is obedient and God glorifying in that we are maintaining the ability of our bodies to carry out God's purposes with the gifts he has given us. The list goes on and on. Find your lions. We all have them.

Below are some pieces I extracted from a sermon given on this verse by Charles Spurgeon in 1882.

 He turns over upon his bed to sleep again; for this is far more comfortable than to be meeting a lion, and falling a prey to his teeth. He means I think that there is a great difficulty—a terrible difficulty, quite too much of a difficulty for him to overcome. He has heard of lion-tamers and lion-killers, but he is not one. He has not the strength and the vigor to attack this dreadful enemy; he will even confess that he has not sufficient courage for such an encounter. The terrible difficulty which he foresees is more than he can face: it is a lion, and he is neither Samson, nor David, nor Daniel, and therefore he had rather leave the monster alone. Are there not many here who say much the same?

Though the promise is, “Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet,” they have no heart for the conflict and therefore never win a victory.

Still you halt, because this lion is such a terrible lion that there never was the like of it. In all the woods, in all the forests, never was such a roaring beast as this. So you say, if you are wide awake enough to say as much as that. I tell you that you are trying to make yourself believe a lie, for your difficulties are no greater than many of us have surmounted by God’s grace. Your difficulties are not half as great as were those of Paul, and of those who lived in his day who had to carry their lives in their hands, and seemed every day given over to death for Jesus Christ’s sake, and yet bravely followed their Lord’s will notwithstanding all.

If you had lived in Madagascar years ago, when to be a Christian involved your being hurled down a precipice or being speared, I could see something in the excuse; but in a land like this the persecutions which are endured may be bitter, and the losses which are incurred may be heavy, but they are hardly worth mentioning as compared with the sufferings of the first ages. I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the sufferings of the past times, and much less with the glory that shall be revealed in us. It will not do for you to talk so. It is idle talk; you do not believe it yourself though you whine like a coward, “I shall be slain in the streets.” If you were half a man you would never fear the streets or think it at all probable that a wild beast would pounce upon you there.

My (blog author) personal summary: Even if there legitimately is a lion, this is not an excuse to avoid facing it. Metaphorically, fearing a lion is not trusting God, which is another type of lion.

“Yes, but I have tried,” says one. Oh that is your lion is it? But how did you try? You tried in your own strength; and we do not invite you to do that any more for your strength is perfect weakness. Had you committed yourself to the keeping of Christ you would have another tale to tell and another song to sing, for he is faithful and he keeps those that are in his hand. If that is your lion, God grant that you may never hear it roar again. You are not asked to save yourself, or keep yourself, but to submit yourself to the grace of God, and surely that is able to keep you unto the end.

Life is like an evening; the longer you wait the darker it becomes. Delay bristles with danger, and the best fruit it can possibly bear is regret.

 The real lion after all is sluggishness itself, aversion to the things of God.

The sermon in its entirety can be found here: 

 http://www.biblebb.com/files/spurgeon/1670.htm